Before my college's exam start I went to have war game with my friends. It is paint ball actually. I had never touch either paintball or war game. But in my mind, I define paintball as small arena game, and war game of course big arena game !
That day I drove myself and fetch jason,roonhem along. I followed my friends' car go the location, somewhere inside Sungai Buloh. I feel cool, I'm only driving Proton Wira and they are driving BMW la, celica la, 1 more don't know what sport car already. Totally 7 cars, we are like overlord of the road, like a racing team to somewhere. The feeling is damn fucking niceeeee... although I only drive proton HERO.
I was suprised when I reached there. I never know that we will play the game in forest =.= are we US and attacking Malaysia? When I put my first step on the hall, I found that those people are crazy, their guns are crazy, most of the guns they using are cost over THOUSAND. I have no any gun except the priceless wan, so I went to rent the gun.
Waaaaaaaaa... My gun can reach 215km/hour. Not bad, can kill ants I think. Next person to try.. Ohhh.. 280km/hour ONLY ma. Damn, so much different. one of them can shoot with 325 km/hour somemore, such a crazieee.
I had only played 3 games, damn tiring already. Around 25 people versus 25 people in the forest. Now I can know how's army suffer from the war. When the referee speak "GAME ON", everyone of us started to move and shoud "go go go !" sounds cool :p
There are some funny parts in 2nd game because I had some funny thinking. Hehe I remember when I watched Jackie Chan's movie, I saw him run here run there in the "bullet rain" and he's never kena wan. So, I pay a bet. I ran from a tree to another tree, just around.. 10m. Okay, I look at my leg, 7 bullet's mark. DAMN, why jackie chan can but I cannot wan?
In the 3rd game, I was the last man in my team, and opponent still left about 3-5 person. I just hide behind a palm tree and I can see those bullets are coming to my side UNSTOPABLE. I wanted to surrender but the stupid refereen don't allow me to do so. I scolded him "fuck" in my mind, I just cannot speak because those bullets are coming non-stop.. At last, 1 of their opponent come and SOLO with me. Damn cool right? But.. His bullet can reach me and my bullet never reach him. This is the different of 215km/hr and 280km/hr. At last.. I died also lar. So proud to be the last man ^^
I will go again next week, anyone want join me?!?!?! RM110.
Here's some picture:
Borrow my friend's gun and lanyeng =D
See my wear is so much different with their army wears
Doing some training..
This is my friend's gun.. cost RM6000++ (still cheap, my gun is PRICELESS)
I wanted to write this post last week, but delay until today. Have really no enough time to sit down and write blog. It takes time. I'm sitting at Papparich @ Aman Puri, with a ice cham, let's start blogging.
Last monday was a memorable day for me in tarc. That was my first day to pay serious attention in tarc, not as blur as previous. In the past 10 weeks in tarc, I totally don't know what I've done or maybe I have done nothing. I don't know even know where is my class? It's terrible for a student that don't know where is his class. "She's walking to that class?", That should be my class I guess and I just follow everyday. Hahahaha. Anyway, I had marked an ending point to such study attitude. It took me RM20 to reach tarc (I take taxi), I feel I'm rich XD (actually I'm not).
Still the same, I never do any homework of BMS but I had copied all the answers from tutor. Wooo first time I copied all the answer ^^. There's a 3 hours break in the afternoon. Guess what? I took bus to the very nearby Jusco, sit down at starbucks, open my file, take out the lecture notes and do revision ! Of course with my favourite ice blended caffe mocha. I'm addicted to ice blended caffe mocha nowadays. I just very like the environment of starbucks, it makes me relax. I don't care how much I have spent, I just want it !
My stupid english class ended at 5pm, but I waited for Jason until 9pm since I sit his car to get home. How cool I was? I studied in the library alone with seeking pretty girls around. I won't forget this day, staying 12hours at college, studying isn't that bad. It just a little bit tiring.
I skipped a lot of classes, almost 90% in this 2 weeks. I have my own private reason. Some of my classmates messaged me and named me as "ponteng king" T.T
I know I'm having hard moment right now. I want to comment about my family ! I don't want to keep endure endure endure. Everything I do right now is for my mum. She's the most important person in my life. I still remember, when I was form 4, I refused to let the teacher to cut my hair and I revolted the teacher. That was a big happening to me, and my 5th warning letter was being written. What you think? Of course the school decided to kick me out of school. I called my mum and told her. My mum came and talk to the discipline teacher. In that time, I had no any regret to what I've done in this school for the passed few years. When my mum was talking to the discipline teacher, my mum cried.. and she begged the teacher not to kick me out. I was shocked. That was the first time I saw my mum crying and it's because of her fucking naughty son(me). I just had too much feeling pop out. I won't forget that moment. I told myself will not ever make my mum feels sad since that day. It's the most important promise in my heart ever. Nothing can replace it. I wanted to say sorry but I didn't do so. I'm just a guy who don't even dare to speak out my sincere words.
Why would I suddenly talk about it? It's because my father. These days I had argument with my father everyday. Yes, exactly everyday. He said that I have no heart in studies anymore and everyday work until late night. I had argument with my dad in every midnight about 3am. Not exactly argument, I just stayed silent and let him scold. My mum was awaken by it almost every midnight. I was so sorry. Please, I know what I'm doing. Can everyone of you just don't simply define me? Do I need to study in front of him only can show that I really got study? I studied in the library. Does he need to ask college officer to put a CCTV at library so he knows that I got study? When I was in college from 8am to 9pm, he didn't say anything? When I didn't attend to the college, so many fucking words from your mouth? Shit it. In my small little apartment, study room = computer room, He and my eldest brother always want to use computer. How many time I can use to study in my house? He said I always work late. Yes I did, I worked until 3am normally. What is he worry about? I will not drive in the next day if I don't have enough of sleeping hour. I never ask him for money since I was 16 years old ! I never ask for ANYTHING even school fees. What I've got now, I paid myself. 2 of my brothers had problem with my father, now I know why. Everyday he's just doing nothing, doing nonsense and then blame me, blame mum, blame ALL of US. Go sabah work? BULL SHIT LA. Luckily I never find any investor for him. I don't hope there is any problem between my family, but this is the fact. I can endure everything. It's because of my mum. If he wants to scold me, I don't really mind, but not 3am can? I hate to see my mum awaken in the midnight and I think she won't feel happy about. Shit it. "Use your brain to think before you wants to scold me" In face, I'm working for only 3-4 hours per day. He and my eldest brother always use my pc until 12-1am. What is the choice I have? I respect they all and I didn't use my work as a reason to use the pc. I wait until they all finish using the pc only I start to do my work. That's why I worked until 3am and my eyes are getting sick tomorrow. If I don't do my work, my boss will give me pressure and I suppose to pay my responsibility to my job position as well. What I can say, I cannot satisfy EVERYONE. I just don't want to have any argument so I can endure everything. My mum will not want to see any argument happens ! I understood that all my family members want to support my brother to study in England. The financial burden is enough for they all, so I chose to have a freelance job while I'm studying. But in their eyes, I'm just a person who likes to work and never like to study. Just.. continue simply define me. Whatever is it, I accept !
The next person I want to shoot - my eldest brother. The most stubborn person in my family. I don't mean to stop him from using pc. I don't mind that. Just I hope that he would let me know use when I'm urgent. How many order I had gave up just because I don't want to have any argument? I even prepared him a pc + monitor + wireless modem. He gave me a very nice reason. "Wait for me to clear my room first, it's not the right time". Shit it lar, how many MONTHS already he said that, my pc also like a lapsap in house already. He don't feel guilty when he needs his little brother to prepare him so many things? Hey, I'm just 18 and he's 30 ! Shouldn't he's the one who gives me those all? I don't really mind to share anything of mine to my family. I just want more spaces in this home. When he's using the pc, my parents watching the tv, I just can run out of my house and go to starbucks ! I hope to have any other better choice.
In our life, we get to choose our role ourselves. We have to our own role always. It's depend on us whether to choose which path/role we want to put our step on. I had chosen mine since long time ago. I know I have to give up a lot of things. I need to remember my mission always. It's hard moment, but no matter how hard is it, I have to go through of it. I don't mind to sit alone in my class. I don't mind anyone is trying to boycott me. I don't mind to have no friends. I don't mind to walk alone. In 2009, I just want to do my best to give my mum a very good lifestyle and not to disappoint her anymore. I don't really care today I work until what time tomorrow until what time again. I want my mum to enjoy her life before I try to enjoy mine. September is coming, a lot of challenges are coming with September. I will stand strong and face everything. October, my brother will back from England and I will make some changes to my current life. Just wait for it. I'm not exactly down, I just want to say.. I'm a man in my family.. WAKAKA !!!
I had decided my role in my life, I will act it until my life reaches an end.
It had been long time I never update my blog. My last post was wrote @ 22th April and today is 11th August. After 4 months, I'm back to here again.
I'm no longer a kid can do anything I want to do anytime. Now I'm a student of college, another chapter of my life. To be honest, I don't really feel well in studying in college. I don't feel anything special and I had skipped a several times of classes. My name might appear in the final examination bar list soon. BUT, no matter how I don't like to study in college, I know I have to finish the whole course because I refuse to make my parents disappointed (A promise I made to myself long time ago) .
I was in Malacca for the first time last Friday.. Totally nothing special about there, the haze and weather are making people worried. I knew 1 new friend there, someone whom I think he is a young and promising guy. He's just 1 year elder than me but his knowledge and experience in event management had suprised me. I definitely will learn the knowledge from him. I'm always ready and never let the opportunity fly over in front of me.
Yesterday I had some problems with my good friend. I feel innocent because I didn't do anything and problem occurred between us. Since there is nothing I can do for it, I will pay the respect to the every decision she makes. At the same day it was Ivan's birthday also. John, Jason, Ivan and I went to "chui chui shui" to have a drink at night time. Once again, I drove dangerously and almost send off Ivan's life. I'm sorry for that. Jason had given 3 of us very suprising words. It's so hard to believe those majestic ideas can be out from the mouth of Jason. I was excited about his words & ideas. He wants to create something, something you think it's impossible ! But in fact, there is still possibility. It might just need 10-20 years to achieve it. Around 12, I sent Ivan home and another 3 of us continue the discussing at Jason's house. Jason said a lot of great stuffs which I love to listen very much. I received a text message from my good friend when we're discussing on the idea. The message made me down for a little while. But who knows she might be more down than me? I hope she'll be okay soon. John and I left Jason's house at around 3am and we did something stupid. He used his car to block my way and I felt like want to bang his car = =.
Machine, It doesn't have feeling. It doesn't have emotion. It doesn't have to express itself to any. It doesn't have to smile or cry. It doesn't have to show others what it is. It doesn't deserve care. It doesn't deserve love. It doesn't need friends. It doesn't need date of birth. It's born in sudden and dead in silence It will never ask for reason.
Machine, It's born to serve the world, and the people around it. It will only need to perform something everyday This is how Machine stay in this world.
